Understanding the significant changes caused by strokes, Alzheimer’s disease or ALS can be overwhelming for children when visiting loved ones during the holidays, but there are many coping techniques that can help them manage their emotions.

 

“Many neurological conditions will lead to changes in holiday traditions for a family,” said Rebecca Axline, LCSWS, a clinical social worker at the Houston Methodist Neurological Institute. “As a disease progresses, it is crucial for adults to give children opportunities to ask questions and share their feelings about the changes in their loved one.”

 

To have productive conversations with children, Axline recommends the following techniques: 

  • Take time to understand your feelings first. As a parent, you may need time to process your emotions first. Writing down how you are feeling is one way to identify and work through your sorrow. It is important to do this before having a conversation with children so that you can focus on their emotions rather than yours. 
  • Have a family meeting. Before visiting your family for the holidays, sit down with the children to prepare them for what to expect. Be understanding and give them time if they are not yet ready to share their feelings. 
  • Have a question jar. Letting children write down their thoughts or questions and place them in a question jar can help start a conversation. A question jar also allows children to ask uncomfortable questions they may not want ask face-to-face or in front of other family members, such as siblings.
  • Be there for the conversation. If the family member struggles to remember the child’s name, you can help with the conversation by introducing the child to the family member. After the conversation, ask your child how the conversation made them feel and be prepared to explain any unusual statements by the family member. 
  • Make changes slowly. A neurological condition will lead to changes in routines, but introduce changes slowly as structure helps remind children that they are loved and that life can be normal despite these changes. Try to keep some holiday traditions intact for them or tell them ahead of time if a tradition will be different this year. 
  • Monitor for changes in behavior. Changes in eating or sleeping habits can indicate that a child is struggling with their feelings. Ask others, such as a teacher or family members you will see during the holidays, to help you monitor for other behavioral changes. 

 

“I encourage families to think of a neurological condition as the alphabet,” Axline said. “The diagnosis is the A, but many people get stuck on Z, or the end of the disease. That causes them to miss all of the letters in between A and Z. Those letters are the happy memories that kids will treasure forever. Sometimes, just spending time together during the holidays and making new, but different memories, is the best medicine.”

 

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