By Kennedy Copeland
Your spouse kept interrupting you in the middle of an argument. Someone cut you off in traffic on the way home from a long day. Or your dog was smart enough to nudge open the pantry and dive straight into your dinner plans.
Your natural reaction? Anger.
You're not alone, of course. The average adult experiences anger approximately 14 times per week, according to a recent report. The report also found that 30% of people report trouble controlling their anger.
"Anger's a normal human emotion, and it exists on a spectrum," says Dr. Xiaolei Chen, a primary care doctor at Houston Methodist. "When it becomes overwhelming in a way that affects our normal behavior and interaction, that's when it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed. But I never want to pathologize these type of emotions."
Dr. Chen adds that anger doesn't stem from just one source and depending on where you fall on the emotional spectrum, it can begin to affect your relationships and daily functioning — "a clear sign that it may be time to seek support from a health care provider."
So what are some helpful preventative tips so anger doesn't become overwhelming? In this article, Dr. Chen shares her "anger toolbox," complete with helpful tips to manage and cope with anger in times of need.
The 3 dimensions of anger
Before we unpack Dr. Chen's toolbox, a quick primer on the three dimensions of anger: physiological, cognitive and behavioral.
Physiological
"Anger is an emotion that triggers real physiological changes in the body," says Dr. Chen. "In the short term, it releases catecholamines — neurotransmitters involved in the fight-or-flight response — which can lead to a rapid heart rate, quickened breathing, sweating, flushed skin, muscle tension and clenched fists."
Cognitive
"Cognitive responses to anger are shaped by our social and cultural conditioning," says Dr. Chen. "For example, men are often socialized to express anger more overtly, which can manifest as physical aggression, while women are typically taught to suppress anger — leading to longer-lasting feelings like resentment. These differences aren't biological but rather reflect the way we're taught to process and display emotions. Understanding this cognitive layer helps us recognize how deeply anger is tied to our environment, identity, and lived experiences."
Behavioral
"Anger is a natural emotion, but how we act on it is where behavior comes into play," says Chen. "The amygdala generates that emotional surge, but it's the prefrontal cortex — our brain's executive decision-maker — that helps us regulate it. Just because you feel angry doesn't mean you have to respond with a verbal or physical outburst. Strengthening that decision-making part of the brain is key to managing anger in healthier ways."
The long-term effects of anger
While short bursts of anger can trigger temporary physical changes — like a racing heart or clenched jaw — frequent activation of the body's stress response can have deeper, longer-lasting consequences.
One major mechanism is cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone.
"Cortisol can amplify all of the physical effects we associate with anger," she explains. "When someone lives in a constant state of stress — whether due to a high-pressure job, lack of sleep, poor diet, limited exercise, or an unmanaged chronic condition — they're likely operating with chronically elevated cortisol levels."
That means when anger strikes, the body isn't starting from zero — it's already in overdrive.
"In those cases, even a small trigger can lead to an outsized emotional or physical reaction," says Dr. Chen. "What might look like an unexpected outburst to someone else is the result of a system that's been running hot for far too long.
"This cycle — chronic stress leads to heightened cortisol, which leads to exaggerated anger response — can leave individuals feeling wired, exhausted, and more prone to impulsive or aggressive behavior," adds Chen. "Over time, the toll of these physiological responses can impact cardiovascular health, sleep quality, emotional resilience, and overall well-being."
The toolkit: how to regulate anger in the moment and over time
So how does the body calm itself after such intense activation? That's where emotional regulation tools and cognitive-behavioral strategies come in.
Dr. Chen emphasizes that managing anger isn't about shutting the emotion down — it's about training your brain to recognize and redirect it before it escalates.
Three tools you can add to your kit right now are:
Deep breathing
Also known as diaphragmatic breathing, this technique helps you to leverage your diaphragm to promote relaxation and lower your blood pressure and heart rate. Breathe in slowly through your nose so that your stomach — not your chest — stretches and causes your hand to move forward. Tighten your stomach muscles to exhale. Repeat for 5 to 10 minutes.
Grounding techniques
Grounding techniques help to redirect your mind away from stressors that make the heart and mind race, and toward the present moment by activating the senses. Some grounding exercises include taking a short walk, dipping yourself in water, holding a piece of ice, savoring a scent or food and listening to your surroundings.
Mindful pauses
Like deep breathing and grounding techniques, these brief but intentional stops amid reactive moments can help to remind yourself to press pause on the knee-jerk reactions that our bodies or minds often trend towards when we encounter stressors. In a successful mindful pause, you notice what's happening to your body, choose to pause, recognize your feelings, accept the discomfort, offer self-compassion and connect with your breathing and to what's around you.
Long-term, Dr. Chen suggests the following tools:
Prioritized sleep, exercise and nutrition
More quality sleep, exercise and nutrition all have proven benefits on our health. Most adults need seven to nine hours of sleep to feel rested, while some may need even more. And according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' physical activity guidelines, adults need at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise and at least two days of strength training per week to maintain good physical health.
Regular therapy or cognitive behavioral strategies
Therapy is a highly individualized experience, and no two treatments look the same. However, research suggests that successful therapy is defined by the therapeutic alliance — or the strength of the relationship between you and your therapist.
(Related: How to Get the Most Out of Therapy, From a Psychologist)
Meditation and mindfulness exercises
Don't knock meditation until you try it for yourself. While it might look like you're just quietly breathing, the benefits of meditation are clear, ranging from improved mood and stress to reduced anxiety and lessened symptoms of depression.
(Related: Benefits of Meditation & Tips for Getting Started)
Addressing any underlying mental health conditions
There's no shame in mental health like there once was. If anger's getting in the way of accomplishing your goals, you should seek help from a medical health or mental health professional.
Seeing signs? Seek help
If you're actively experiencing a disruption in your daily life and relationships due to anger or see your emotions becoming linked to trauma, depression or substance abuse, don't be afraid to ask for help.
There are many benefits in catching the symptoms and signs sooner rather than later. Houston Methodist has resources for you here.
Ready and equipped?
Daily struggles are inevitable, but how you respond to these challenges is controllable. Feeling angry doesn't mean something's wrong with you. What matters is how you understand that anger and what you do with it.
As you use these tools, continue to be aware of your environments and triggers, the patterns of your daily patterns and relationships, and most importantly, remain kind to yourself.
